Day 20

Food: Stayed within my 1500 calories. Yeah!
Exercise: Walked over thirty minutes with weights.
Thoughts: This month I would give myself a "C" for effort. I could have done much better. I only kept on track twenty days out of the thirty-one, yet I have to give myself credit for not giving up especially after taking a trip to Las Vegas and not counting calories, and being very fatigued due to new medication. I can't wait to do better next month: ).

Day 19

Food: I stayed below my 1500 calories.
Exercise: I did my walking today although I have been extremely tired due to a new medication which causes extreme fatigue. I have started taking my new medication at night before bed hoping this will help help me to be more active. However, my sleeping schedule is still eratic at night.
Thoughts: I must stay positive and realize that my body is not where it was before cancer. I need to be forgiving of myself when something is wrong and I miss my exercise.

Day 18

Food: I stayed under 1500 calories today.
Exercise: I did my swimming today : ). I'm on track although I am very hungry and tired tonight.

Day 17

Food: A great day under 1500 calories! Exercise: Swam hard for twenty-five minutes, and spent five minutes in the jacuzzi. Yes! Thoughts: Trying to be both tough and forgiving with myself. This blog may be a helpful microcosm of me as an individual.

Day 16

Food: Stayed within my 1500 calories but yesterday I opted not to post because I went over my calories after picking up my daughter and getting about 10 loaves of free Panera bread (my daughter works closeby). I only ate a couple peices (in the car!), yet it was the frenzy in which it came about. I'm incorporating a little more wheat bread into my diet so I do not feel deprived when opportunities come my way that I should resist. Oh well.
Exercise: I went swimming for over 20 minutes.

Day 15

Food: I stayed below my 1500 calories today, although I am very hungry. Nevertheless, I won't give into my culinary urges. Nope.
Exercise: Going strong . . . I'm up to thirty minutes of strong heartbeating exercise. I am looking forward to swimming tomorrow, really.

Day 14

Food: I stayed below my 1500 calories. I went out to eat at a mogolian flat round grill and had tofu with lots of vegetables. I have lost 10 pounds so far!
Exercise: I exercised for twenty minutes, not swimming like I had planned--walking.
Thoughts: I could do better in keeping up with my plan, such as planning on swimming today, yet I don't beat myself up when I deviate. There are so many variables that come up--such as a sick mother, needy children, new medication that makes me tired or feel nueseated, or doctor's appointments. Still, it's important to have a standard to live by and daily exercise is an important goal. I want to do better, like swimming each morning to increase my metabolism.

Day 13

Food: I kept under my 1500 calories today!
Exercise: I had three doctor's appointments today and by the evening I was wiped out. However, I still managed to get twenty minutes of walking in.
Thoughts: I need to make sure I have a plan (regarding eating & exercise) the night before so I don't get off track the next day, and lose control. I plan on swimming tomorrow morning.

Day 12

Food: Darn. I would have stayed below my 1500 calories if it wasn't for eating a piece of toast with PEANUT BUTTER on it after dinner instead of going swimming. Sometimes when someone eats something and I abstain the temptation unexpectedly catches up to me later when I least expect it. I should have went swimming like I planned, instead of reaching for the extra calories. Oh well . . . I will do better tomorrow.
Exercise: I went on a nice bike ride with lots of hills and got my exercise in for the day. Yes!

Day 11

Food: I missed blogging yesterday BECAUSE I went over my 1500 calories. My son and his girlfriend made me a belated Mother's day dinner that I couldn't resist. However, today is a new day and I stayed below my 1500 calories.
Exercise: Yesterday I walked with my boyfriend for twenty minutes while today I swam vigorously for thirty minutes!
Thoughts: I am feeling much stronger and have more energy than I have had in a long time.

Day 10

Food: I stayed under my 1500 calories today.
Exercise: I swam for thirty minutes w/o counting laps and focusing on my hard kicking for 2 laps freestyle and then relaxing with two laps breaststroke. I feel my endurance coming back, yet I am far from my goal . . . onward!

Day 9

Food: For the last several days I have been out of town vacationing with sisters in Las Vegas with the philosophy of not counting calories and walking as my exercise. (Anytime I miss a day I will make it up). It feels nice not feeling guilty and getting back to my Losing It My Way routine.
Today I stayed under my 1500 calories. When the family ate dinner late I decided that my mango smoothie at 4:00 would be my dinner for the night.
Exercise: I took a nice and exhausting bike ride along the river for forty minutes. My strenghth is coming back but nowhere close to where it was a year ago when I could ride 20 miles.

Day 8

Food: It's been over a week now and I am doing great. Weekends are a bit more difficult but I am still keeping it below 1500 calories. I made healthy apple muffins, cooked some delicious chicken soup, and splurged on frozen yogurt. I took my vitamins twice today and will continue this regiment.
Exercise It was more difficult to get my exercise done because I waited until the evening time when I was tired. My energy level is still minimal and it is partly due to not sleeping well at night (probably due to my weight). John says I sometimes gasp for breath in my sleep and there have been times when I jump from my bed in the middle of the might to open the slidding glass door for the balcony where I can catch my breath. I believe in a couple months I will be sleeping more restful and exercising with greater gusto!
Thoughts: Melissa Etheridge said something on the Ellen Show about her breast cancer that I could relate to. As a cancer survivor she embraced her cancer as way to get her life in order and also help encourage others not to wait until they have cancer to do something pro-active about their life. I concur with this.
P.S. CAN'T WAIT TO WEAR A SEXY NIGHTIE . . .

Day 7

Food: I stayed below my 1500 calories today. After I swam my laps I peeled a nice juicy garden grapefruit that some generous person had left on the table. Itwas sweet and delicious.
Exercise: I swam early in the morning after dropping the girls off at school. I am going to continue to exercise in the the morning during school days.

Day 6

Food: I stayed below my 1500 calories in spite of eating a salad out today at a Chinese Restaurant.
Exercise: My feet are still swollen. After affects of chemo? No walking shoes today. Instead I swam freestyle for twenty minutes. My pants are getting looser.
Thoughts: When I started this blog I thought my cancer days were behind me, except for radiation. I assumed there would be no reason to write about it because the time had come to focus on eating healthy and exercising. I was wrong. Cancer, especially Tripe Negative Breast Cancer, is extremely aggressive and recurrence is greater. Cancer seems to have encroached into my losing weight plan. I had three doctor appointments today. I was called yesterday and told I had to come in for a bone scan. I was a bit surprised because it was so random. Today they put dye into my body and three hours later took pictures of my bones. Afterwards I saw my radiology oncologist and she told me that when I went into the ER the CAT Scan of my heart also showed something in my bone, and several polyps in my lung. I started snivelling in the dressing room and on the way home every time I thought about my children the tears poured out like a waterfall. I was glad to let it out and when John told me maybe we should revise my eating plan (eat hamburgers!) and forget about losing weight I told him "No way!" A couple hours after arriving home I received a call from my doctor saying it was NOT cancer in the bone. I was so . . . relieved. As far as "something" in the lungs the doctors will have to wait and see if they grow or change. Regardless, it shouldn't have an affect on my immediate health plan. I'm glad that my emotional day ended with a good workout.

Day 5

Food: I stayed below 1500 calories on on my food plan.
Exercise: The family excused me from exercise today. Okay. That isn't taking accountability. I excused myself today because of doctor appointments and not feeling well. I'm hoping to put my walking shoes on tomorrow.
Thoughts: I'm glad to get this blog post done today. I feel good as long as I can be honest with myself and my blog.

Day 4

Food: I stayed below my 1500 calories, or at least I think I did. Found a calorie tracker on Lean Cuisine's website and will start early in the morning planning meals. I had plenty of fruits, and resisted eating more than one taco when my son brought over lunch for the family. Three Jimboy tacos sit five hours later before bed and I will resist.
Exercise: Swam again today freestyle stroke for twenty minutes with my daughter because my feet and ankles are swollen. The doctor said swimming is fine--no running.

Day 3

Exercise: Today I spent twenty minutes kicking in the pool. Swimming was so nice and relaxing. At first I was a bit embarrassed because of entering the pool without hair; I felt naked in public so I quickly put on a red swimming cap. Water is such a freeing feeling and I love swimming because I can escape into a underworld of relaxation. Even when exercising the motions seem effortless. As I swam, long ago memories of me in high school emerged when I could swim 100 laps without effort. My body must have accumulated memories cells of swimming laps because it all felt very natural.
Food: As far as my menu plan, I had a slight hiccup that delayed me from finding the right menu tracker. However, I ate healthy all day except for my diet coke. My estimated calories were below 1500.
Thoughts: I was disturbed tonight (which was really last night since I am posting this a day late) because of getting side-tracked by something. I was settling down for the night realizing how posting my blog is starting to feel more like eating a non-calorie dessert. I love it! Between looking for a good on-line calorie counter and posting something I decided to make a quick call to Ask-A-Nurse because of some mild on-going chest pains I was having. I was told to come into the emergency so they could evaluate me further. Even though I was upset to leave my blog still in process, and the comfort of home in exchange for a long wait at the hospital; getting side-tracked was the best thing that could have happened. After some blood work and a CAT Scan I was told by the doctor I had water around my heart, something called pericardaleffusion (not a severe case). I believe it is related to chemotherapy, and will find out more tomorrow when I have a echo cardiogram. Today I learned how to embrace the little hiccups in life.

Day 2

Exercise: I really do have to come up with a schedule because I delayed exercising until it was too late to go to the gym and ended up walking a mile with Lesley On Demand. Tomorrow I will go after my daughter, Angelina, gets home from school so she can enjoy working out, too! (Ping-pong). My schedule is sporadic, yet something tells me in time I will have to block out a specific time just for me and the tread-mill.
Food: I could have done better and will come up with a tracker system starting tomorrow. I didn't do too bad, except for the red meat and not counting calories.
Thoughts: Today I tried on some clothes at Old Navy so I'd have something new to wear when I visit Las Vegas next week for the first time. I had never seen such a ghastly sight in my life when witnessing myself in the dressing room mirror. It wasn't the anemic skin or baldness that scared me--it was my body parts. Then I started thinking about the parts of my body that I couldn't see like my heart, and the layers of fat that must surround it. My surgeon, Doctor Bodai, told me I should be more concerned about dying from heart disease and a stroke than from cancer. For the first time in my life I am concerned about not being around for my children and grand-children. However, I am "losing it my way" not out of fear but because I am still alive and have an opportunity to do something about my health. I am so fortunate compared to so many who have lost the battle of life.

The Biggest Loser - Heather Hansen Audition

Day 1

Exercise:
Today was my first day of working out. It was horrific. I thought I was going to die, literally. My boyfriend, John, was walking on the treadmill next to me and whenever he talked to me I wanted to punch him in the face. Instead I remained quiet and didn't say a word while I concentrated on my mile. The experience reminded me of the first time giving birth and in the peak of my contractions when I wanted to pop off I told my husband to just stand in the corner and keep his mouth shut. I meant it. Pain. Discipline. This is unfamiliar territory these last few years of sedentary life eating pretty much whatever I wanted. My heartbeat was 150 while John's was 116 so it gave me a good excuse to stop short of my mile. I could have reduced the pace but I stopped instead whining about having a heart-attack. It was a good start--it was a start.
Food:
I haven't come up with a healthy eating plan, yet (tomorrow). Inspite of not having a plan I thought I would eat all the right things today, and went to a Cancer Walk to explore and passed up all the unhealthy items. Instead I ate lovely sauted vegetables with fresh parsley from Wholefoods Market and some Mexican cornbread. I disgustedly eyed the before-bedtime spagetti snack that Angelina and John ate but at 1:00 in the morning spagetti and cornbread whispered in my dreams: "Come get me".